The journey's long
And it feels so bad
I'm thinking back to the last day we had.
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you

When I'm weak I draw strength from you
And when you're lost I know how to change your mood
And when I'm down you breathe life over me
Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny

On a clear day
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time getting back to you
Old moon fades into the new
Soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you
I'm nearly with you

Even though we're miles apart we are each other's destiny....

first i thought "wow maybe he has changed...."
(and i hate the idea that it was her that changed him.)
but then it came to me.. well he hasnt changed much after all....

" i miss you.
and a whole lotta part of me wants to..
but also so much is telling me not to....
not because i cant but because i shouldnt.
coz YOU cant!! "
you're not exactly available!!!!

i kiss him one last time.
then i push him away.
i slide out the door
and i run to the nearest escape.

"for every piece of me that wants you.. another piece backs away.."
bam! i hit my head on the hard wood floor..

countless of days after wont be at all easy for me..

my night was going okay and you had to go and do what you did!
                                                         once.
                                                         twice..
                                                         you ruined it again for me.
                                                         you ruined me!

i remembered the past..
    whenever we were together....

then i cried myself to sleep..
and now im....
dreaming that i am with you even though im wishing you away.

"profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone.
from that point onwards, things change, the man and the woman
come into play, but what happens before -- the attraction that brought them
together -- is impossible to explain. it is untouched desire in its purest state.

when desire is silk in this sure state, the man and the woman
fall in love with life, they live each moment reverently, consciously,
always ready to celebrate the next blessing.

when people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not precipitate
events with unthinking actions. they know that the inevitable will happen,
that what is real always finds a way of revealing itself. when the moment
comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an opportunity, they do not let
slip a single moment, because they respect the importance of each second."

                involuntarily, i have enabled myself to rid from my emotions
                    by making my mind thoughtless of those feelings
                    and mindless of the going-ons in my surroundings
                    which is not entirely helpful and is starting to make me CRAZY.
                i've been too much of a space cadet lately
                    that made even my mom ask me "whats wrong with you?!"
                    and she knows how out-of-it i can get at times.
                i've been SOBERLY spacing out too much!
                    i gotta get back into the zone.
                    a little rescuing please?
                    ANYBODY?

                      so many words left unspoken....
               so many days that i said "there'll be tomorrow for you and me."
                              now here i sit alone silent
                              neglecting every second
                              ever taken for granted
                         for the most important words
                           i've always wanted to tell you
                           are sitting deep down inside my heart
                                                  praying....
                                  that they are strong enough
                                              to fly up to you.
                                             I LOVE YOU LOLO.
                                                                    -july15'07                    

Narciso Ginete Ballesca
February 14,1928 - July 11,2007